ScreamQueenz

Episode 52: STAKE LAND and THE WOMAN IN BLACK

Patrick — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:13:42 +0000

Happy Valentine’s Day, Screamers! February is also Women in Horror Month. Instead of another rehash of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, we’re going to take a listen to music by female artists about ghostly women who haunt the seashores! Classy, right?

Movie wise, we’re putting listener Zombart up against the FIRING SQUAD wall for making us all watch STAKE LAND. Did I enjoy it? Or has Bart left his last 9 minute message? Only time will tell!

And then, we’re going to see if we can untwist the panties of that WOMAN IN BLACK, because….grrrl, she has got some issues!

What can be more romantic than that? Well, a LOT of things I suppose, but who asked YOU anyway?!?

Special thanks to the incredibly talented Miss DONYA LANE for use of “Annabel Lee” off her AMERICAN ROYALTY cd.

(Music for “Annabel Lee” composed by GLENN GORDON)

Episode 51: JULIA’S EYES, GRAVE ENCOUNTERS and WARLOCK

Patrick — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:55:29 +0000

My special guest this week is my new “Coolest Person in the Entire World”, the incredibly talented and remarkably woofy HOMER MARRS! He sings, he plays guitar, he writes songs, he does all kinds of comedy, and he smells nice. Mostly he’s hear to share some of his song stylings with us and rap about WARLOCK.

First up, THE CRAPSHOOT returns to let us know if we should watch JULIA’S EYES or just spit in them. Sure, it’s reuniting producer Guillermo Del Toro, director Guillem Morales and THE ORPHANAGE’S star Belén Rueda…but that would makeit even more fun to kick their over-confident culos”

And then Listener Trae has to face the music for recommending that I watch GRAVE ENCOUNTERS. Did he do a Good Thing?….or did he do a Baaaaad Thing? Either way, I’ll probably yell “Fuck you!” at somebody at some point, so you can be assured about that.

And finally, Homer and I chat about WARLOCK, why it was awesome, why it sucked and why it inspired him to right a poignant ballad about its star.

All this and more. God, I could plotz!

Episode 50: THE DEVIL INSIDE, FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3 and THE FAN (1981)

Patrick — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:57:10 +0000

It’s a huge milestone here at SCREAMQUEENZ, so I’m celebrating for making an ass out of myself for two hours….again.

In this episode, I tell you all about the riot that almost broke out at a screening of THE DEVIL INSIDE. And it wasn’t because Mister Brad did the old “hole in the bottom of the popcorn box”. Well, not this time anyway.

We had a very unlucky day on the calendar last week, so that means only one thing…It’s time for another installation of the FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULARRRR! We’re up to PART THREE in the series, and not only do I reveal what happened when I conned Cousin Susie into taking me on opening night, I also unveil what JASON VOORHEES has in common with ANN B. DAVIS! (Here’s a hint: it’s not meatloaf.)

And finally, I’m joined by my dear friend (and unofficial Fairy Godmother!) SCOTT the SATYR from the SATYRSPHERE, and we’re gonna dish the dish about what happens when horror meets Broadway musical in 1981′s stinko-slasher THE FAN! The scariest thing is that the songs have been stuck in my head for days now.

All this and more when SCREAMQUEENZ shows you that life really does begin at 50! (However, good taste and maturity mercifully still haven’t made an appearance.)

If your in the Carmel, CA area, check out SCOTT the SATYR live on stage in HAIRSPRAY THE MUSICAL at Pacific Repertory Theater from January 26 through February 19! Get your tickets HERE!

Episode 49: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD at 42nd Street Drive-In!

Patrick — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:40:23 +0000

Happy New Year, Screamerz! This week, I’m sitting down with Chris & Shawn from the 42nd Street Drive-In podcast to dish the dish on the 1972 Spanish classic, TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD!

Even though we don’t get into it on the show, this movie actually scared the livin’ crud out of me when I saw it on WPIX-Channel 11′s CHILLER THEATER when I was a tiny waif. Technically, this should be a beast from the NIGHTMARE CLOSET, but nothing’s scarier than Brad’s imitation of these undead Templar nasties.

Especially when he does it nekkid. Yoinks!

Plus, BETTE & DERWOOD, everyone’s favorite brown-nosers call in with reviews of THE SHRINE and DREAM HOME, and then reveal that they’re not the straight-A students they pretend to be. I feel a spanking coming on!

And finally, the GREEN GOBLIN/TIMES SQUARE TAKEOVER gets shredded, AMERICAN HORROR STORY gets schooled, THE WALKING DEAD get reamed and then….a listener is going to get publicly and merciless thrashed on this episode.

Is it YOU???

*ominous thunderclap, howling wolf, maniacal laughter, silent queef*

Episode 48: THE SHRINE and D4

Patrick — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:19:28 +0000

This week, SCREAMQUEENZ celebrates the holidays the traditional way…with human sacrifice, crazed genetic mutations and potty mouth!

The Crapshoot returns to take a peek at what’s inside THE SHRINE. Will I live long enough to regret it tasting forbidden fruit, or will I just regret watching the damn movie?

And then, our main feature is another flick from HORRORHOUND WEEKEND called D4, which tells the beloved Yuletide tale of gruff mercenaries getting eviscerated by a musclebound monster in a forbidden forest. Just imagine The Grinch not saving Christmas, but clobbering Cindy Lou Who to a syrupy pulp with that tree he lugged down the chimney (which is the ending we all wanted anyway, right?)

So, jingle your balls, egg your nog, and stroke your Yulelog…It’s Christmas at ScreamQueenz HeadQuarters!

Get your copy of D4 for just $10 at www.GHOSTWATER.com!

Episode 47: HORRORHOUND WEEKEND Cincinnati

Patrick — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:43:25 +0000

Episode 47:

It’s time, Screamerz, for me to try to tackle at least some of the excitement and debauchery that beset the quiet suburb of Sharonville the weekend of November 17.
And what fun would it be to do it alone! I’ll be joined by two very special guests: both world famous author ROBERT R. BEST and BRIAN from BIG GAY HORROR FAN will be joining me to try to piece together the gaping booze-induced holes in my memory.

And my underwear.

We’ll be dishing the dish on the backwoods slasher DOWN THE ROAD. lighting the fuse on the explosive Argentinian flick COLD SWEAT, and putting on our big boy pants to tackle all the potty humor unleashed in CHILLERAMA!

Make yourself extra comfy, because this is one long mofo of a show.

Episode 46: SORRY, WRONG NUMBER

Patrick — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 23:30:22 +0000

Episode 46:

Happy Thanksgiving, Screamers!

In addition to this being the nationwide celebration of genocide, smallpox and syphillis, it’s also anniversary time for Brad and I.

So, while we enjoy our stuffing….(pause, pause)… enjoy this trip back to the golden age of radio as gay icon AGNES MOOREHEAD gets something worse than an unwarranted booty call in SORRY, WRONG NUMBER!

We’ll be back with Horrorhound Weekend coverage next week, so have a safe holiday everyone, and just for me, scare the crap out of someone at the dinner table.

Tell ‘em I told ya to!

Episode 45: STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and LISTENER HAUNTS

Patrick — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 18:49:19 +0000

Episode 45:

This week, we finally get to take a look inside the bizarre goings-on at the STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and their twisted spin on “Through the Looking Glass”. Find out who did what to get us barred from Bulgarian nightclubs for life! And finally, clutch your pearls with fear when listeners call in with some of their favorite stories about local haunts.

And you thought Halloween was over! My Grandmama woulda slapped you square in the face, you so stupid.

www.SteampunkHauntedHouse.com
www.AllHallowsRevenge.com
www.TheBatesMotel.com
www.NightOfTerror.com
Horseman’s Hollow
The 13th Gate – Baton Rouge, LA

Episode 44: HALLOWEEN HAUNT-A-LICIOUSNESS

Patrick — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:40:05 +0000

Episode 44:

A Happy Halloween to all you Screamerz! And to celebrate this momentous holiday, we’re taking a look at two of the most notorious New York City haunted house attractions! First, Mister Brad and special guest JENNIFER ELLIOTT join me for a visit to NIGHTMARE: FAIRY TALES. Even The Brothers Grimm weren’t this freaky! And what’s going on with THE EXPERIMENT being conducted upstairs from the house?? And the, I sit down with SCOTT THE SATYR from the SATYRSPHERE Podcast, and I shock him with the kinky thrills looming in the depths of the BLACKOUT HAUNTED HOUSE, and then talk about some of his favorite haunts.

So, gather up your candy, check your buttplugs for razor blades and enjoy the Haunted House Hysteria!

DRAMAQUEENZ: Episode 1 – Special Guest Star ALENA ACKER

Patrick — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 14:34:19 +0000

In this very special inaugural (ie. test) episode of “DRAMAQUEENZ: The Podcast Where THEATER Gets Bent!“, I am joined by the very lovely and talented ALENA ACKER! Alena plays my wife Bridget Burke in LiveInTheater‘s production of THE RYAN CASE 1873. Plus, she stars in and helped create the award-winning comedy web series MOTHER EVE’S SECRET GARDEN!

I am honored and truly delighted that she stopped by ScreamQueenz Headquarters (SQHQ) to discuss Punchdrunk Theater company’s SLEEP NO MORE.

Now, I know you loyal Screamerz have already heard Mister Brad and I dish the dirt on SLEEP NO MORE, but Alena brings a certain grace and poise (and sobriety) to the conversation that may have been lacking when we squawked through it several months ago.

Also, I was lucky enough to have Elena to allow me to share with you some of the hilarious music from the show she did at the Midtown International Theater Festival this past summer, MOTHER EVE’S SECRET GARDEN OF SENSUAL SISTERHOOD. Even though the show’s closed, the company just recorded a cast album, and I think you’ll get a huge kick out it.

“But, Patrick”, you say. “Why are you covered a show that’s not running anymore?

Very simple.
A) It’s still a successful and hilarious web series that you should be checking out.
B) Cuz my pussy told me so. My pussy told me so.

For more information about SLEEP NO MORE, visit www.SleepNoMoreNYC

Check out more of ALENA and MOTHER EVE at www.MotherEves.com

Episode 43: RED STATE, UNDOCUMENTED and KILL KATIE MALONE

Patrick — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 20:34:45 +0000

Episode 43:

This week, we take a look at the horrors of the “real Amerkka” with Kevin Smith’s evangelical nightmare RED STATE and Chris Peckover’s twisted tale of patriotism run amok, UNDOCUMENTED. And grab your safety goggles & splatter guards cuz The Crapshoot is back, finding out whether it’s worth it to KILL KATIE MALONE. And if this show wasn’t already overflowing with content, I give a quickie rave over Pedro Almodovor’s erotic slice of weirdness, THE SKIN I LIVE IN.

Plus I have a run in with Santa’s lesser known Stinky Gay Panty Crack Elf….Don’t ask. It’s better you don’t know.

Episode 42: DREAM HOUSE, DREAM HOME and FRATERNITY MASSACRE

Patrick — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 01:23:41 +0000

Episode 42:

Let’s face it. The real estate market is a bitch, so we’re going to be take a look at 2 movies that illustrate how nasty this business can be. First off, Mister Brad and I check into the DREAM HOUSE…and dream is the operative word, because good luck staying awake. And then, The Crapshoot sets its sites on FRATERNITY MASSACRE AT HELL ISLAND, or “Gay College Boys Vs. Killer Clown”. And finally, I talk about the sheer audacity of the Hong Kong release DREAM HOME and learn some really exciting new uses for SpaceBags!

Episode 41: BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA

Patrick — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 21:25:06 +0000

Episode 41:

Ciao bello, Screamerz! This week, all roads do lead to Rome as we take a look at the 1971 giallo classic BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA! I’m joined by Chris and Shawn from the 42nd Street Drive In…actually, I’m joining them, because due to the recent family tragedy at this end, I’m rebroadcasting an excerpt of their show from earlier this year. But it’s a good one, and I think you’ll get a kick out of it.

However, I still dish out some brand new CHATTER, address the PORTAL TO HELL in my ceiling and point the finger at a CHICKEN STEALING BITCH. Plus, there’s a fresh crop of voicemails from you…what’s not to love!

SHUT UP! Don’t answer that!!!…Cheeky bitch.

Episode 40: SHARK NIGHT 3D and HURRICANE QUICKIES

Patrick — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:03:32 +0000

Episode 40:

It’s Episode 40, and what better way to celebrate the end of summer than to watch a bunch of stupid-ass college kids get their ass tore up by manhungry sea predators!! Well, that’s just what I did when I checked out SHARK NIGHT 3D, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts about it with you, old chum!

(Get it? Chum!…I’m hilarious!)

And then, hold on to your hats, because there’s a Category 5 CrapStorm heading your way, when Hurricane Irene leaves me homebound with nothing to do but watch scary movies. I’ve got seven…count ‘em, SEVEN!! lightning-fast QUICKIE REVIEWS.

So, get your ass down in the bunker, Miss Thing, because this show is gonna blow your weave right off!

Episode 39: TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS and SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS

Patrick — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:36:40 +0000

Episode 39:

Take a trip back to the sleazy funkalicious days of the 1970′s as we take a look at two vintage chillers from the decade of Pet Rocks, Mood Rings and Speedballs!
First, we’re off to the funny farm for the British anthology TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS. You’ll think twice before you prune that pesky bush of yours ever again. And then, we’re shaking our hoo-ha’s with SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS, a movie that defies description. Think ROSEMARY’S BABY with a water balloon fight, and you’ll…not even be close.

So get on board! The Groovy Train is about to pull out…but just don’t get your Free Bird caught in your Gadda-Da-Vida!!

This Week’s Quickie Trailers!

Episode 38: MURDER CASTLE and FEEDBACK FRENZY

Patrick — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 16:29:49 +0000

Episode 38:

This week, let’s take a trip back to the Golden Age of Radio when THE NIGHTMARE CLOSET unleashes a classic episode of LIGHTS OUT that dares you to spend the night in MURDER CASTLE. I’ve got a quicky review of BUDDY BOY, a surreal look into the world of paranoid schizophrenia that had me squealing like a baby mongoose. Plus, another quickie with BLACK DEATH: a great movie about the worst trip to the Renaissance Fair…ever. And finally, I turn the show over to you, because I got voicemails coming out my bahinkies, so buckle in, kids. The chauffeur’s actually an escaped convict!

Episode 37: FLESH EATING MOTHERS and WAKE WOOD

Patrick — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:35:44 +0000

Episode 37:

In this episode, I take the advice of Joe from Cincy and sit down for brunch with a horde of FLESH EATING MOTHERS. Will I survive long enough to finish my mimosa? And then, it’s off to rural Ireland where ancient magics can bring your loved ones back from the dead, but might also make the life expectancy rate plummet rapidly for the residents of the eerily quaint town of WAKE WOOD.

All this and more await you in this anniversary episode of SCREAMQUEENZ!

Episode 36: SLEEP NO MORE and PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE

Patrick — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:24:37 +0000

Episode 36:

From the surreal to the sublime; from high art to low brow; from Shakespeare to puppet tits.

This episode, join Mister Brad and I take a trip through a haunted 1930′s hotel when we check out Punchdrunk theater company’s sensual, hallucinatory, blood-soaked Shakespearean waking nightmare experience, SLEEP NO MORE. Then, we get to listen to an original song by a fellow NYCGMC member, TYLER HAYGOOD. He wants to know, “Can you HANDLE MY SCANDAL?” And finally…take a trip back to the 1980′s when the clothes were neon, the music was new wave and the teenagers were….made out of felt. That’s right, find out the scoop on THE PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE!

To read the various articles sent in by Jenny regarding the outrage over TICKED OFF TRANNYS WITH KNIVES, click here!

Episode 35: The GAY PRIDE HOTBODY HOOTENANNY!

Patrick — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 03:05:48 +0000

Episode 35:

HAPPY GAY PRIDE, SCREAMERS!
To celebrate this joyful and historical occasion, I delve into the sleaziest depths of gay horror…the “Blood & Beefcake” genre…with a bizarre look into the deadly world of male “modeling” with DEAD BOYZ DON’T SCREAM. And to keep me company, I get a little help from good ol’ Fozziebare from The PodcastPodcast!
And then I see if I can fend off a horde of fiercely fabulous TICKED-OFF TRANNIES WITH KNIVES! With a title like that, what could POSSIBLY go wrong!

To read the article featuring ME being interviewed by The New York Times about The Ryan Case 1873, CLICK HERE!

Here’s that video of that kid voguing I mentioned. The best part of this (aside from him getting run over by the Circle Line boat….TWICE!) is that this kid, Robert Jeffrey, grew up to be a screenwriter and MAJOR Dario Argento fan!

Episode 34: FEMALE TROUBLE at the “42nd Street Drive In”!

Patrick — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 16:54:37 +0000

Episode 34:

An assortment of health problems, both personal and familial, have unfortunately delayed me getting the Gay Pride episode to you. But, rather than leave you feeling unloved, here’s a flashback to when I guested on the 42nd Street Drive In podcast with Chris & Shawn, getting to the root of all that FEMALE TROUBLE…the John Waters kind, that is. (It’s kinda cute to hear Shawn try so desperately to keep the discussion serious…like I was gonna let that happen!)
Hopefully, if the Gods of Health and Well-Being are kind, the REAL show will be out by the weekend.
Hang in there, kidlets, and know that Daddy loves you!

Episode 33: DR TERROR’S HOUSE OF HORRORS and SKULL & BONES

Patrick — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 21:23:25 +0000

Episode 33:

Hop aboard the Midnight Train to Hell as THE NIGHTMARE CLOSET creaks open again to take us for a ride to DR TERROR’S HOUSE OF HORRORS! Then, THE CRAPSHOOT puts the “gay thriller” SKULL & BONES in its crosshairs…well, I took the bullet; now you clean up the mess.

Episode 32: TRIBECA HORRORS and the FRIDAY the 13th EXTRAVAGANTULAR PART 2!!

Patrick — Fri, 20 May 2011 05:01:10 +0000

Episode 32:

Just in time for the impending Apocalypse!! First off, listen as I get all cultural and shit at the TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL. Mister Brad and I bravely enter THE BLEEDING HOUSE and learn why you should never be kind to strangers. Ever. Then, I’m off to Israel to contract a new breed of RABIES. “If I were a mad dog…yabba dibbi dibbi…”And finally, I unleash the hideous story of how I ruined poor David Gonzales’ life when I recount another tale of my misspent youth in the next installment of the FRIDAY THE 13th EXTRAVAGANTULAR! (I’m going to have to change the title of this series now that I see that is has “VAG” stuck in the middle of it.)

If you only have time to listen to one podcast before the End of the World, make it this one!
************************************************************************************************************

There’s still time to make a donation to AIDS WALK NY!

Check out Brian’s review of SCREAMQUEENZ at BIG GAY HORROR FAN!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qw2hfNKQuo

Episode 31: THE UNINVITED (1944) and EASTER BUNNY KILL! KILL!

Patrick — Thu, 05 May 2011 15:01:59 +0000

Episode 31:

This week, taste the injustice of criminal unavailablity when I debut a new segment,

“Why the Fuck Isn’t This On DVD?!?”

Find out why the 1940′s classic ghost story THE UNINVITED is so awesome, and why it sucks so bad that currently you can’t see it.

And then, I give you the skinny on Chad Ferrin’s EASTER BUNNY KILL! KILL! Is it Holiday Hijinx or Horrendous Horseshit? Only Peter Cottontail knows for sure!

So strap on your bunny ears and light your candelabra, because this party bus is ready to roll!!

Check out Mister Brad and I on KITCHEN NIGHTMARES!

Then find out THE TRUTH of what happened at PJ’s Steakhouse at I’M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS #157!

Please help Brad & I by sponsoring us in the GMHC AIDS WALK 2011!

Episode 30: ABSENTIA, SCREAM 4 and HIGH LANE

Patrick — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 22:17:13 +0000

Episode 30:

By the time this posts, the Feline Crisis is over, but the D-R-A-M-A was already recorded, so bask in it, Bitches!

Just the thing to counteract your Easter bliss…an unholy dose of SCREAMQUEENZ in you aural orifice! This week, we continue the coverage of HORRORHOUND WEEKEND when Zombart & his friend Sophocles stop by SQHQ to talk about Mike Flanagan’s truly haunting kinda-sorta ghost story, ABSENTIA. And then, even in the depths of despair, how can I not talk about the latest big release shrieker, SCREAM 4. And finally, everyone’s favorite brown-nosers Bette & her husband Derwood phone in a review of the French mountaintop slasher HIGH LANE. Tres jolie, Derwood! Tres jolie!

So bandage up your pussy, cuz this IS gonna hurt!!

To check out Kyle’s from CampBlood.org’s SCREAM 4 Drinking Game, click HERE!

Episode 29: HORRORHOUND WEEKEND – Day One

Patrick — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 04:36:55 +0000

Episode 29:

This episode, we take our first chunk out of the HORRORHOUND WEEKEND shenanigans, as well as talk about the first day of movie screenings. Mister Brad & I hoped to see some of the MuscleWolf boys in LETHAL OBSESSIONS, but instead got a tranny psycho hunting skanky girl sexcam workers. And then, an all-star cast takes us inside CYRUS: MIND OF SERIAL KILLER…not surprisingly, it’s messy. The Nightmare Closet creaks open again, and we learn why THE LEGACY scares Patrick out of pools. We get a listener review of the Ozploitation shocker PRIMAL, and discover why Patrick has been banned from Kroger.

Check out the 4-part series of videos from last year’s Horrorhound Indy for more Patrick & Mr. Brad wackiness!

Episode 28: ROAD GAMES, CHAIN LETTER and INSIDIOUS

Patrick — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 05:10:04 +0000

Episode 28:

Get ready for a terrific triple feature of terror! First, I get to fulfill a DARK OBSESSION when I go truckin with Stacey Keach, Jamie Leigh Curtis & a non-frisky dingo, hunting a serial killer in the Australian outback in ROAD GAMES! I can’t wait to get into Stacey’s cab (not to mention his tight leather pants!) And then THE CRAPSHOOT returns to give Deon Taylor a second chance with CHAIN LETTER. Last time, DEAD TONE almost made my head explode. Does he fare better, or is Mr. Brad mopping my brains off the walls? And finally, get a sneak spoiler-free peak at the upcoming supernatural shriek-a-thon, INSIDIOUS…Lin Shaye in a gas mask. Scary! (And kinda hot!)

Episode 27: The SCREAMQUEENZ Lifetime Acheivement Award Tribute

Patrick — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 19:10:29 +0000

Episode 27:

At long last, the mystery of the identity of our ScreamQueenz Diva Ultima will finally be revealed! Thrill to a full episode devoted to honoring the career of a woman who has dedicated her entire career to teaching us that you don’t have to the Survivor Girl to be a ScreamQueen! In fact, she proves that sometimes screaming, crying and dying is the ultimate to steal the show! BRAVA!

Episode 26: The SuperMegaGigantisode!!!

Patrick — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 23:57:13 +0000

Episode 26:

This show’s for all you SizeQueenz out there (and your boyfriends!). I create a Quadrangle of Evil with four terrifying reviews. First up, you’ll get a double of dose of UK-style thrills and chills with the inappropriately titled THE POSSESSION OF DAVID O’REILLY and the supernatural prep school slasher TORMENTED! And then, I review the first book of Robert R. Best’s zombie trilogy, LAKEWOOD MEMORIAL…Was it worth the wait? Finally, we all get a really close look at what James Cameron has stuck in his SANCTUM…(is it a coincidence that the poster looks like a giant anus?…I’m just sayin’)

So what are you waiting for? The party’s about to get freaky!!!

For links mentioned during show

View the hilarious F*CK YOU, BOX! and other art by Katie Cook at http://katiecandraw.bigcartel.com

And be sure to pick up LAKEWOOD MEMORIAL from Amazon.com

Episode 25: VANISHING ON 7th STREET, FROZEN and MEGA-PYTHON vs GATOROID

Patrick — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 22:30:12 +0000

Episode 25:

Join me in celebrating our 25th show, and come investigate the VANISHING ON 7th STREET, Brad Anderson’s new end-of-the-world chiller…is everyone missing, or are they just naked? And then here we go a-dangling! Hope you wore your thermal Underoo’s, because we’re getting FROZEN on a chair lift between two hunky ski-bucks! (On second thought, ditch the Underoo’s!) And finally, prepare to be dazzled by all of Hollywood’s “finest” as Mister Brad and I attend the swanky world premiere of SyFy’s newest opus, MEGA PYTHON vs GATOROID! I was so afraid they were gonna eat each other….NO! Not the monsters! I meant Debbie Gibson and Tiffany! EEK!

Episode 24: THE MAZE, DON’T LOOK UP and NIGHT OF THE LEPUS

Patrick — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 05:12:56 +0000

Episode 24:

This week, we’ve got one great big honkin’ DoubleStuft episode, overflowing with laughs and screams and lapse of good taste and judgement! First off, we’ve got not one, but two Crapshoot features this week! First, get lost with me in THE MAZE, the scariest thing to happen to corn since the Orville Redenbacher sex tape leaked! Then, discover that if you should ever find yourself on a haunted film set in Transylvania, whatever you do… DON’T LOOK UP! Why?….I have no friggin’ idea. And finally, Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail are out to kick some ass in the NIGHT OF THE LEPUS, and you just might die laughing.

Check out Scott at The Satyrsphere Podcast at satyrsphere.blogspot.com

Join Peaches’ Army at www.PeachesChrist.com

Episode 23: MAKE A WISH, THE OTHER and BLACK CHRISTMAS

Patrick — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 01:48:14 +0000

Episode 23:

Happy New Year, Screamers! Get ready to kick off 2011 with a little girl-on-girl horror with the lesbian slasher, MAKE A WISH. Next, The Nightmare Closet spits out some truly terrible twins from 1972′s, THE OTHER. And finally, I get to pontificate on my all-time favorite scary movie: BLACK CHRISTMAS!

Hope your hangover’s gone, cuz it’s about to get loud up in here!!

(Plus for those of you who missed out on Episode 22 in all the iTunes mix-up last week, it’s thoughtfully tacked on to the end of this week’s show for your enjoyment and ridicule.)

Vote for SCREAMQUEENZ for the Splatcademy Award’s Best Podcast at http://deadlantern.com/vote/

Check out Toppie and The Smellcast at smellcast.wordpress.com!

Episode 22: VOICEMAIL MANIA and A SPECIAL SURPRISE – Repost

Patrick — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 02:00:48 +0000

Episode 22:

Time to get your Ho-Ho’s on, Screamers, with another diabolical (albeit rather short) episode of SCREAMQUEENZ!!! This week, continuing vocal problems plus an unexpected trip to Connecticut for the holiday with the Brad-Clan have left us with another mini-show. However, while short in length, it’s packed with freaeky goodness while we take a peek into my twisted childhood – Listen in horror to the WORLD PREMIERE of the audiobook recording of THE LEGEND OF DEATH HILL HOUSE; a short story I wrote at age 12 for a school assignment. Then, quake with dread as I unclog the two-week’s worth of voicemails. Ooooh, it’s gonna hurt so niiiiice!

Calling all Sugarplum Fairies!!!…drop em, grease em, spread em!!
It’s a very SCREAMQUEENZ Chrizzmizz…

Episode 21: THE REDSIN TOWER

Patrick — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 18:24:10 +0000

Episode 21:

As promised, Screamers, this is a short episode. But as we all know, length doesn’t always matter. (I said, not always….GOD!) So, this week we’re flashing back to my very first Horrorhound Weekend when I met the NOTLP gang and reviewed THE REDSIN TOWER.

As matter of fact, that weekend was a lot of firsts…my first convention, my first time being on a podcast and my very first EVP…and not the ghostly kind!

Episode 20: RED HOOK and THE FORTUNE TELLER

Patrick — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 04:17:15 +0000

Episode 20:

This week, it’s the return of The Crapshoot! Think I’m gonna play nice with RED HOOK? I think you’re dead wrong. And then Mister Brad and I are invited to the reading of a will and instead wind up in the company of seriously macabre marionnetes; all of us waiting to learn of our grisly fates when THE FORTUNE TELLER reads our cards. You know it’s gonna be a helluva party when Evil Puppets show up!!

All we’re missing for the fun to begin is YOU!!

For more information about Phantom Limb’s THE FORTUNE TELLER, check out http://www.phantomlimbcompany.com/projects/fortuneteller/

To watch THE FORTUNE TELLER in its entirety, head on over to http://vimeo.com/9302361

Episode 19: VISITING HOURS and GRIMM LOVE

Patrick — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 19:36:41 +0000

Episode 19:

In this episode, one of my Dark Obsessions sends me to the ER when I finally get to check out the Canadian slasher VISITING HOURS! And in this hospital, whatever you do…don’t let them give you a spongebath. Then, I actually find a movie worth watching in the Fango Frightfest trashdump with the deeply disturbing yet oddly beautiful internet cannibal shocker GRIMM LOVE.Pot of gold? Maybe. Plate of dick? DEFINITELY! Finally, Mister Brad and I run afoul of a pair of hunky alien DEVIL BOYS FROM BEYOND. and oddly no one seems to mind the anal probing at all!

Oh, and did I mention I’ve been nominated for a BEST GLBT PODCAST AWARD ?Oooooooh, DADDY!!!

So, be truly fabulous and vote for me once a day, every day at www.PodcastAwards.com

Episode 18: 127 HOURS and SOMEONE’S KNOCKING AT THE DOOR

Patrick — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 03:32:15 +0000

Episode 18:

It’s Episode 18, and before I get drafted, I need to tell to you why you absolutely should not miss 127 HOURS! Then, take another role at The Craphoot table, and you’ll find out that turkey’s aren’t the only things getting stuffed! Cuz SOMEONE’S KNOCKING AT THE DOOR…and let’s just say he’s not using his hands. Plus, I babble on about my favorite lesbians, throw props to writer/director Sean Abley, and confess how Snoopy ruined my goddamn life.

Get Your Copy of ALL ABOUT EVIL here!

http://store.peacheschrist.com/products/83-all-about-evil-2010-dvd-presale.aspx

Check out Sean Abley’s GAY OF THE DEAD blog on Fangoria.com!

http://www.fangoria.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=48&Itemid=162

Episode 17: NEEDLE and PLAY DEAD

Patrick — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:00:06 +0000

Episode 17:

My days as jail-bait are almost over…so hump me while you can!

But seriously, this week the Crapshoot returns to take the Australian thriller NEEDLE to the grindstone….ooh, mixed metaphors!

And then Zombart & I teach you how to PLAY DEAD… and roll over…and beg..

Episode 16: NIGHTMARE: SUPERSTITIONS and SKYLINE

Patrick — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 16:34:47 +0000

Episode 16:

In my sssssuper sweet 16th episode, I’m taking you deep into the bowels of New York City’s premiere haunted attraction, the infamous NIGHTMARE: Superstitions! Then we’ll wisk over to the West Coast for a little good ol’ fashioned alien invasion at a sneak preview screening of SKYLINE. Actually, I wasn’t sure if this was going to be about flesh-hungry aliens or that gut-devouring chili from Cincinnati….Either way, the end result was going to be messy. So come join me for a show filled with boatloads of F-U-N!!! And if you don’t, then just F-U!!!!

Episode 15: STRAIT-JACKET and SAW 3D

Patrick — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 19:22:36 +0000

Episode 15:

This week, we’re busting out of the booby hatch with Joan Crawford in the William Castle howler, STRAIT-JACKET and heads are gonna roll! Then, I need a couple of cocktails to help me through my SAW 3D review, because the next dimension is “suck”.

So, c’mon kids! Grab your ax, don your wig and whatever you do, don’t pluck your eyebrows!

Episode 14: The 1st HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAAAANGZAAAA!!

Patrick — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 06:02:33 +0000

Happy Halloween, Screamerz!

Well, y’all have been screamin’ for an extra-long episode….and this week, YOU GOT IT!!

Episode 14

Chocked full of guest hosts and musical wackiness!

I take on the 2004 sickle-psycho head-choppin’ devil-homo horror hit, HELLBENT!
Then, I review not one but TWO more very unusual New York City haunted house attractions, the STEAMPUNK HAUNTED HOUSE and the now-infamous VORTEX HAUNTED HOUSE.
But what fun is spending Halloween alone? Beats me, cuz we’re going to be spending it with Bryan from Drunken Zombie, super high-fashion model Kristin Quinn and, of course, the famous Mister Brad.

I hope your costume is fire-retardant, cuz this part is going to be fla-AAAAAA-miiiiiiiing!!

Please visit links mentioned during the show:

Episode 13: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2, FEAR ON 21st STREET and BLOOD & LACE

Patrick — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 04:58:28 +0000

Episode 13:

At long last, it’s finally Episode 13! So to celebrate, I’m encouraging feuding between the ranks by reviewing PARANORMAL ACTVITY 2! (Hey, love the franchise or not, I’d be a bad podcaster not to discuss it…SUCK IT UP!!!)

Then, we’re heading back into the depths of my “Nightmare Closet” with a discussion on the nearly-impossible-find 70′s sickfest BLOOD AND LACE

…at this orphanage, it’s always Hammertime!

And finally, I’ll take you on a tour of an insane asylum with a gaggle of bloodthirsty patients who really know how to cut loose when I check out the new New York City haunted attraction, FEAR ON 21st STREET

Then check out…

Watch my youtube video for the“IT GETS BETTER” PROJECT.

Get your rare DVD’s from SHOCKING VIDEO at www.RevengeIsMyDestiny.com

BONUS EPISODE: Patrick Guests on MOVIES ABOUT GIRLS

Patrick — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 17:42:12 +0000

Hey kids! My schedule was indeed bonko this week, so I was busy as a….well, let’s just say I was busy. So I’m a little behind on gathering up all the material I want to make a great show for you, dear listener. Plus, Mister Brad is sick and is sleeping in my illustrious recording studio, so I figured it’s better to delay the podcast a day or two than put out a piece of crap and make Zombart cry. But fear not, little tadpoles, here’s the audio from my guest, stint from a few weeks ago, on the

MOVIES ABOUT GIRLS PODCAST

I helped out with their “Let’s Fuck Up The Podcast” segment….which is how they found me in the first place. So, we check out some really out-there shows and learn something about the world and even something about ourselves. Check out MOVIES ABOUT GIRLS at www.MoviesAboutGirls.com!

WARNING: Really really REALLY not safe for work!!

Episode 12: REPOST

Patrick — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:00:59 +0000

In my haste to get the episode posted, I accidently forgot to insert Dr. Finger. Well, he’s all up in there now, so enjoy.

Episode 12: NIGHT OF THE DEMONS and EXAM

Patrick — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:38:06 +0000

Episode 12:

This week, it’s time to pop that lipstick out of your boob and listen to my coverage of a screening of the new NIGHT OF THE DEMONS remake. And then, the British thriller EXAM sees how it fares in The Crapshoot. Plus, Zombart makes history by rendering me speechless! (He must be destroyed…)

So join the party in my pants, because I’m making cheese dip!!

Scariest Puppet EVER!

Episode 11: MY SOUL TO TAKE and BROTHERHOOD OF SATAN

Patrick — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 04:00:14 +0000

Episode 11:

In this episode, I take one for the team and come up with a dozen reasons why you shouldn’t bother seeing the new Wes Craven misfire, MY SOUL TO TAKE. And then I introduce a new segment to the show and revisit a movie that scared the living poo out of me as a child. So pull up a chair, sacrifice a goat and get ready for Columbus Day madness!

For more information about the IT GETS BETTER PROJECT, click here!

Episode 10: HATCHET 2, BURNING BRIGHT and I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

Patrick — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 05:12:44 +0000

Episode 10:

In this episode, 3 Movies = 3 Reviews. I catch the senior matinee of HATCHET 2. Is it more fun than a sharp farm implement in the genitals? Then, can the Crapshoot gun down some big pussy in BURNING BRIGHT. And finally, things get rape-a-licious when I catch a free screening of the I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE remake.

… And don’t get used to having three reviews per shows, kidlets - Daddy’s a Busy Queen.

Get LAKEWOOD MEMORIAL by Robert R. Best here!

Episode 9: BURIED, HUNGER and 2001 MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS

Patrick — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 03:33:45 +0000

Episode 9:

This week, be the first kids on the block to find out all about Ryan Reynold’s hole when I serve up the dish on BURIED. Then, it’s time for another Crapshoot, and 2001 MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS find themselves caught in the crossfire. And finally, find out if the Fangoria Frightfest finally redeems itself when I start feelin’ the cravings in HUNGER.

Plus, find out how to win one of two original BURIED movie posters!

Get ZombieHuntrTony’s novel KINGS OF THE DEAD at Amazon.com

Win Two Free Passes to I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE Double Feature!!

Patrick — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 16:34:35 +0000

It’s the first SCREAMQUEENZ giveaway! Win two free passes to the I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE double feature this Monday, October 20th at 8pm right here in New York City. Relieve all the savage horror of the infamous original. Then be among the first to see the new Anchor Bay remake!

So, email your entry to me at crew@ScreamQueenz.com, tweet me @ScreamQueenz, or call 347-747-3509. Winner will be selected at random.

Please, enter only if you’re in the New York City area!

Good luck!

Epsiode 8: PIG HUNT and SPIRIT CAMP

Patrick — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 16:29:23 +0000

Episode 8:

This week, I’m giving the FANGORIA FRIGHTFEST a chance to redeem itself after last week’s DARK HOUSE debacle, so listen in horror as I go whole-hog into the porcine trainwreck, PIG HUNT. Then, it’s time to rick ‘em, rack ‘em, reck ‘em, ‘ruck ‘em when SPIRIT CAMP finds itself in the cross hairs of this week’s CRAPSHOOT. Pom-poms, pigs and persnickety Patrick!

What a perfect combination!

Episode 7: DARK HOUSE and DEAD TONE

Patrick — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 12:37:23 +0000

Episode 7:

“This is where the weird kids live…”

If you’ve been hankerin for some of that famous “Angry Redhead” action, you’re gonna get a big honkin’ earful of it this week! Patrick is less than pleased with the Fangoria Frightfest winning selection, DARK HOUSE. And after sitting through this week’s selection for “The Crapshoot”, someone’s gonna get that damn phone shoved up their ass….if they’re lucky. Plus, “How to Provoke a Sleeping Bradford“! …..DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!

Episode 6: THEY WAIT and TOXIC AVENGER: THE MUSICAL

Patrick — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 17:33:38 +0000

Episode 6:

This week, an innocent question about “Scream Queens” on VH-1 ignites a frenzied rant ‘n’ rave. But when the dust settles it leads to an impromtpu review of THEY WAIT, starring “Scream Queens” host Jaime King. And then, we have a special Spotlight Feature on TOXIC AVENGER: THE MUSICAL. So, offer your hungry ghost a container of toxic waste, and get ready for fantabulous F-U-N!!

Click here to DEMAND Toxie comes to YOUR TOWN!!!

Separated at Birth!??!?

Episode 5: THE LAST EXORCISM and THEATER OF BLOOD

Patrick — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 19:32:19 +0000

Episode 5

In this week’s episode, I let you know if THE LAST EXORCISM is worth a look, or if it’s just the same ol’ head-spinning, soup-yarfing, cross-humping silliness. Then, I’ve saved you an aisle seat in Vincent Price’s 1973 classic THEATER OF BLOOD…our first ever QUEEN’S CHOICE selection. Plus, I babble on a lot about questionable cleaning products and secondary gay icons. Fun will be had by most.

Episode 4 – PIRANHA 3-D and THE DISAPPEARED

Patrick — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 05:34:30 +0000

Episode 4:

Bust out your water wings and drop your bikini top because we’re covering PIRANHA 3-D, and this hungry fishies are going to leave you schooled!….Worst pun ever. Next, should you watch THE DISAPPEARED? Or should you just tell it to get lost? Find out in another round of The Crapshoot!!

Check out the hilarious Piranha 3-D “For Your Consideration” video on FunnyOrDie.com

Episode 3: The FRIDAY THE 13th Spectacular and THE FINAL

Patrick — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:07:51 +0000

Episode 3

Grab your hockey mask & your Number Two pencils!! In this episode, we celebrate FRIDAY THE 13TH with childhood trauma, inappropriate music choices, and some oddly appropriate mommy issues. Then things get heavy when THE FINAL stirs up Patrick’s dark past.

Learn about the death of Phoebe Price

Some of the music provided tonight from Mevio’s Music Alley. Check it out at music.mevio.com

“Hunting for Witches Crystal Castles Remix” & “Hunting for Witches Fury 666 Remix” by
bloc party

Episode 2: ALL ABOUT EVIL and CORNERED!

Patrick — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 06:03:30 +0000

Episode 2:

In this episode, Mister Brad & I cover the star-studded New York City premiere of the gleefully wicked campy gorefest, ALL ABOUT EVIL.

Plus, The straight-to-DVD storebound slasher CORNERED! is the target of our very first “Crapshoot” segment. Add into that a live performance by Trixi Carr, and you’re in for one moist ‘n’ meaty good time.

And remember, my fellow Screamers, the ALL ABOUT EVIL TOUR could be heading your way soon! Check out the full list of tour dates by clicking here!

Episode 01 – The Fay Wray Inside You

Patrick — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:35:03 +0000

In this introductory mini-show, I give you a quickie rundown of what I’ve got planned for the show and why I’m doing it….plus I earn my EXPLICIT tag while I’m at it.

Some of the music provided is from Mevio’s Music Alley. Visit music.mevio.com to find out more.

“Hunting for Witches Crystal Castles Remix” & “Hunting for Witches Fury 666 Remix” by bloc party

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-fd5611c707f1e3b4a750817ea50b3915}